Henry's Birth Story

I was sleeping.  Suddenly I felt a gush.  I jumped up and yelled to Bill that I thought my water just broke.  He's a very heavy sleeper, so it took him a minute to comprehend what I just said.  I was saying "get up, get up...my water just broke".  I'm not ready...I'm not ready...my hospital bag wasn't packed yet!  I was standing beside the bed in the dark & grabbed my phone to call my mom.  She was 6 hours away so I wanted to give her a head's up to start her long drive up here.  I told her that I thought my water just broke & we were going to the hospital.  It was shortly after 4am on Wednesday morning.  She said she'd throw her stuff together & to let her know what they said when we got to the hospital.  I walked to the bathroom to clean up.  When I flipped the light on in the bathroom, I noticed that it wasn't 'water' at all...it was blood. "Bill, it's blood! It's blood!".  I stood in the bathroom, phone still in my hand, & called the doctor's office.  The after hours phone service picked up.  I told the lady "I thought my water had broken, but it's blood.  There's a lot of blood."  She said she'd notify my doctor.  He called back almost immediately.  He asked a few questions, but I just remember saying "There's a lot of blood.  It's blood." over & over.  He calmly told me to go to the hospital & he'd meet me there.  I stood in the shower & got off the blood that I could, but I was still bleeding pretty heavily.  I just grabbed a towel & a garbage bag (for the car seat) and headed to the door.  I'm not sure what Bill was doing during this time...getting dressed? grabbing stuff we might need?...he was half awake & neither of us knew what was going on.  I kept saying "we've got to go, we've got to go".  I went to the car.  It was locked so I just stood in the yard.  I remember looking around in the darkness outside.  Everything was calm & quiet.  Where was Bill?  What was he doing?  I was fussing at him from the yard at 4-something the morning.  The neighbors must think we're crazy...they're going to kick us out of the neighborhood.  I started feeling very light-headed & sick to my stomach.  I took deep breaths & held onto the car for balance.  This was the moment that the fear set in.  "Bill!!! We have to go NOW!!!"  He was finally headed to the car.

The hospital we were using was only a few miles from our house.  I remember it felt like Bill was driving very slowly.  I have no idea what speed we were going, but I wanted to yell "hurry up!!".  I think I was saying "just hurry, just hurry, just hurry" over & over.  Somehow even in that moment I realized that Bill was also scared & trying to get us there safely.  I didn't yell.

When we pulled up at the hospital, Bill let me out at the door & went to park the car.  I have no idea how I made it to the 3rd floor, but I remember getting off the elevator & seeing a nurse at the station right in front of me.  She had a strange look on her face.  I didn't know what it was at the time, but looking back now I know it was fear.  She was afraid for me.  She knew something was wrong.  She quickly moved me to a bed with a curtain around it.  Several nurses surrounded me & they were working very quickly.  One nurse said they were going to put an IV in both arms 'just in case'.  In case of what?  They asked me several questions, but all I remember is "Do you feel the baby moving?".  No.  No...I couldn't feel him.  Oh, my God...he wasn't moving.  "When was the last time you felt him moving?".  I can't remember...he hadn't moved at all since I woke up from a gush of blood.  Fear & panic consumed me.  I remember telling the nurses that I was scared.  "Is he ok?  Is the baby ok?  What's wrong?  Is he ok?"  I asked those questions over & over.  No one would answer me.  No one would look at me.  Why was no one answering me?
I could see Bill now.  He was several feet past the end of the bed.  He couldn't get to me with all the nurses around.  Another nurse was talking to him.  He looked scared.  I've never seen Bill scared before.  I remember calling out to him that I was scared.  One of the nurses finally looked at me & said "You've lost a lot of blood & we've got to take the baby."  They started rolling me down the hall.  Bill couldn't go with me.  I couldn't see him anymore.  

I went through some double doors.  This room was very bright & very cold.  They lifted me up & over to another table.  A man appeared over me.  He had a blue hat & a white mask.  He said "My name is Will & I'm an anestesiologist.  We've got to get you under quickly.  You're going to feel funny for a minute.  Ok, we've got to get you under now."  He covered my mouth & held my nose with one hand and grabbed my throat with the other.  A small nurse on the other side of me also grabbed my throat.  When someone cuts off your air, the natural reaction is to fight...push their arms away.  It is still strange to me that somehow I knew in that moment not to fight.  I gripped the sides of the table with both hands & then I was gone.

The next thing I remember is waking up.  I woke up suddenly & violently.  My entire body was shaking, as if I were having a seizure.  I was in more pain than I'd ever felt in my life.  I was very cold & my body wouldn't stop shaking. I was still in a bright, cold room.  It was so cold!  But I saw my sister-in-law, Alice there.  Then I saw Bill.  They came over to check on me.  "It hurts...it hurts.  Oh, my God, why does it hurt so bad.  I'm so cold.  I can't stop shaking & it hurts."  I remember asking them to hold my body down to make it stop shaking.  Bill put pressure on my legs to slow the shaking & Alice held my arms.  I think Alice asked if they could give me something for the pain.  I remember trying to take slow, deep breaths and trying to relax my muscles so the shaking would stop.  Then I was out again.

This time I woke up in a hospital room.  I must have been in and out for a while because I don't have solid memories of this time or have any idea how long it was before I was coherent.  I only remember tid-bits of situations and conversations.  Ummm, I'm not pregnant anymore.  I freaked out.  Where was my baby??  Was he ok??  Why wasn't he in my room?  At some point I found out that he was ok, but he was in the NICU.  They were giving him oxygen & monitoring his breathing.  I have no idea who gave me this information...Bill? my mom? Alice? a nurse?...no idea.  I wanted to go see him.  I was told that he was on the floor below me & I couldn't go until I was off of the morphine pump.  Oh...that's why I wasn't hurting.  "Well, unhook me.  Let's go."  Ummm....no.  The nurse explained that I'd just had a surgery where they sliced through my abdominal muscles & I couldn't just get up & go.  In fact, I didn't realize until she told me that I actually didn't have control of my legs yet.  So, I was stuck there for a while.  There may have been some crying.  Bill showed me pictures of Henry from his cell phone.  He had gotten to go to the NICU to see him.  I was so upset that I couldn't see him.  The pictures didn't feel real to me...like I couldn't comprehend that the baby in the pictures was Henry...my son...I was a mom.  I didn't get it yet.

I don't know how many days went by...two or three...when they finally told me I could try to walk around some.  At the suggestion of a nurse, I gave myself a few pumps of the morphine before getting out of bed.  It was a process.  It took several people to get me from the bed to the wheel chair.  I also wanted to try to nurse while I was there.  (I had been pumping and sending milk to Henry before they'd let me down there.)  We gathered a blanket, my Boppy, & whatever else we thought I needed & headed for the NICU.  I was nervous.  I was about to meet my child for the first time.  I was completely unprepared for the feelings that followed.

I saw him.  He was in an incubator & had tubes in his nose and tons of wires and things all over him.  He was tiny.  It was almost like I was in another world...I was a mom.  I was responsible for this little human.  He was so little & precious.  I wanted to hold him.  I had to wait for a nurse to get him out of the incubator for me.  We had to be very careful with the wires and tubes on him.  We could only turn him certain ways, but they were able to let me hold him.  I could have sat there and stared at him forever.  He was amazing.  I studied every little wrinkle, muscle, and pore.  I was amazed by his tiny little fingers.  He had fingernails!  He was perfect!

I still didn't know what had happened.  Someone told me I'd had an abruption.  I didn't know what that was. I also didn't know what a big deal it was until people (nurses, doctors, cafeteria workers...seriously) kept stopping by my room to see the woman that had the abruption.  Everyone told me what a miracle it was that we both lived and that the baby didn't seem to have any permanent damage.  I googled it later & was glad I didn't know what was happening at the time.  I have no doubt that God spared both of our lives that day.  I'll be eternally grateful for the amazing nurses, Dr. Brabson, and the hospital staff that saved us that night & cared us back to health.  We had quite the journey to recovery, but that's another story.

We would love for Henry to have a sibling one day, but after the traumatic experience we had with his birth we are not sure if we will go that route again.  Right now we are giving it time & enjoying our amazing little boy.

My first time meeting Henry.